I’m really failing at this guys.

I hate failure. I hate being vulnerable and open.

I did finally realize why I’m not sticking to the working out. It is emotional, and let’s leave it at that for the time being.

What do you do when you find yourself struggling to do what you should? Do you give yourself a reward when you hit the goal? Grin and bear it so that you either convince yourself you love it or fake it through? I’m trying to lean on God. I’m trying to rest in who I am in Christ. However, sometimes the voices of the past ring more loudly in my head than at other times. This is one of the louder times.

I haven’t even let myself get my hair cut like I’ve been wanting to the last several months now that we have some money to do so.

I’ve been better on cutting out my sweet tea consumption at least. I’ve even had several cups of hot herbal without any sweetener. And yesterday we found organic cane sugar on clearance at the store and bought quite a bit. That made me excited.

I’ve been keeping up on the dishes better. Now if they pile up for more than a day or two they totally drive me crazy. That’s a good thing. Wednesday I deep cleaned our bedroom. Then sprayed homemade disinfectant all over it and hot washed all of our bedding since we had been sick with that nasty nasty bad cold. Homemade disinfectant is quite simple to make. It also clears odors from the furnishings of the room. All you need is vodka and water. Fill a spray bottle with half vodka, top off with water and you’re good to spray. If you want to add some essential oil to it, go ahead. It smells like hand sanitizer when you use it, but that smell leaves rapidly. We had left over vodka from making my homemade vanilla.

I’ve been more intentional with the girls. That’s been good. And we’ve been laughing together more this last week. I forget how much fun it is to just be silly with the girls. I want them to think back when they are old how much fun they had with their mom at times. And I want them to know that it is ok to just be silly. I still have to work on being silly myself.

So, tomorrow is another day. And I will live fully in it. I will recommit myself to a disciplined life and start over. It’s all any of us can do.

Thanks for bearing with me on this crazy journey. Feel free to chime in and join us.

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Well, this week was some better. I will say that I have learned that for the sake of my sanity it is better to ease into the exercise. Granted, the Bugs asks me every day if I have been diligent (you can tell that is the word we had to teach her the end of last year when she started to slack off on her responsibilities and school work). There isn’t quite anything like being asked by your 5 year-old if you had been diligent with your workout routine…

No soda since last Sunday, which is good. And my tea consumption has come down. In fact, yesterday I didn’t have any until lunch time!

My Bible reading is a bit behind. I’m going to just pick up where I should be and read what I’ve missed over the next week.

I have seen the girls reaping the benefits of me having a more disciplined life. They are more apt to do something they don’t want to do if they see me doing something they know I’m not too fond of doing. Like washing the dishes.  I’ve even made the bed on several days. I don’t typically do that since I figure that no one goes back there to see our room.

Life in our home is beginning to be more peaceful since the house is being kept more picked up during the day. Well, mostly. Last week we got nailed with that cold/fluey thing going around. I had it one day, HubbaHubba came home Wednesday night after work with it and went right to bed. Then the girls had it Thursday. So on Thursday, I got to sit and hold to two sicky girls.

I need to sit and read a bunch in my Bible. I’ve gotten behind.

I’ve noticed that when I am consistent with keeping the house picked up (and have the girls help) there is a noticeable difference in the atmosphere of our home. The girls get along better, the home feels more peaceful and I’m not terrified if someone is going to drop in unannounced and I’ll be mortified if they see the mess.

We’re starting week 4 of our six week school cycle next week. And while we haven’t done as many fun things as I would like together, we did mummify an apple slice. That was a fun experience. I’m glad Bugs decided to do it instead of continuing to beg to mummify a chicken. Yes, she wants to mummify a chicken. I figure we will do that the next cycle through ancient history. She’ll be older and more capable of doing more work on it herself. I’m looking at what could be done for a field trip on a Saturday around here since HubbaHubba has needed the care daily. I can’t plan too far in advance of me needing the car with his job anymore so we’ve spent the last several weeks at home with no transportation during the day.  I’m ok with that. It means that we are saving money by not having two vehicles. Only one car for upkeep, insurance, gas….Why increase that expense if we don’t have to

This week I intend on making my master homekeeping binder. I have the supplies to do it…Just haven’t taken the time to sit down and put it all together. I love doing stuff like this, but I haven’t found forms that I love yet. So I guess I’m going to try and make do with what I have access to and when stumble across some I like better, sub them in as we go. I also need to sit down and menu plan more. I keep it all in my head which at times isn’t a great thing. Like this past week between the sickies, passing this horrid cold around and all that fun. My brain can be a very scary place to be.

I also want to start waking up earlier. I have never been a morning person (yeah, seven a.m. classes in college stunk) but I am tired of feeling rushed to get things accomplished before lunch. I’m trying to find more time to write, and the only way I can do this is if I either get up earlier and get the standard chores done earlier or stay up way too late and be a grump the next morning and then get nothing done the next day. Which doesn’t work out either.

I’ve been reminded the last three weeks that I am too much of an all or nothing sort of person. Instead of admitting I can’t do something all the way, I won’t do it. I mean, unless it is going to be completed then, I cannot bring myself to work on something to have to stop and pick it up again later. Which is a problem with the whole watching what I eat and losing weight thing. I know in my head that it took time to get to this size. It is going to take time to shed it (I don’t want to say lose the weight. If you lose something, it has the connotation of wanting to find it again, and frankly, when this is gone, I want it to stay gone and not be found by myself again). However, since if I exercise one day and there is no noticeable difference, I feel defeated. If I slip up and have an extra glass of tea or something I shouldn’t have, the whole day is shot instead of that one instance. I know in my head that is rather stupid. I’m working on just moving on and continuing anyway. But for some reason it is so hard.

Well, thanks for bearing with us in this series. Go visit Annette’s post for 52 Fridays and see what she’s up to. If you want to write a post, just swipe the button on the left side of the blog and link back to this one.

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I’ve been dreading this post.

Last week tanked. Not all, I did do well on limiting my tea.

I shredded on Monday. Felt sick Tuesday and that ruined the rest of the week. I know, I’m supposed to pick up where I left off.

I had like six cups of coke last week too. I had been doing decent.

I failed. Somewhat. I was not disciplining myself the way I should have been. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t have tried this series. I hate failure and I hate admitting it. However, I doubt I would even try otherwise.

This week, same goals. I’m on my phone writing this until HubbaHubba comes home to tether for regular internet.

Something to ponder, if you aren’t being disciplined in your life, how will you teach your children to be disciplined? They truly do catch more from you than you realize.

I also want to again ask for prayer for Thao’s family. His visitation is on Thursday and the funeral is Friday. Saying goodbye to one you love is never easy, especially when the one who has made the journey to heaven is your child. Please pray for his parents and his little sister and brother. They have a lot of adjusting to do. Please pray for them. Thank you.

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