I’ve not really written in a very long while. I mean a very long while…Obviously.
So much. Just so much. I have struggled with so much. I go back and forth with depression. We didn’t have internet at the house for a long time (nearly 2 years) because we just couldn’t afford it. I had to get a part time over night job to help make ends meet for a while. That was so hard. Here I was, writing a blog called Created for Home and I was having to work outside the home. Then, we couldn’t get the house in town sold, finally got a renter for it, and hubby lost his job at the university due to budget cuts. He was blessed with an incredible new job with a way better compensation shortly after that test of faith. We have internet at the house again. Real internet. I’m no longer having to help supplement the income with an overnight job.
I’m still dealing with issues. I always will. For the longest time, I felt like I had nothing worth saying. I was taught that from an early age. That no one cares. That I don’t have a story or words to help others. That I shouldn’t even try. I still struggle with the voices of my past telling me what I can and can’t do. What others will think of me if I try. It’s hard to sometimes shut those voices up.
I still struggle with the fact that I had an outside job for 7 long months. I let my house go. I did the bare minimum with schooling the kids to get by and survive that. It was a long and hard 7 months. I did learn a lot about myself and people and management styles (or lack of real management…). I learned what I’m fairly capable of (I worked overnight at a local donut shop cleaning, frying donuts, decorating donuts and picking up people’s slack. I’ve learned that two people can do crazy things when tasked with prepping 200 dozen donuts by themselves along with operating the store and regular supply on top of it.) While part of me misses adding to the income, I don’t miss that job. I’m glad to be back home, where I belong. It’s been six months since I got to quit, and I’m still dealing with the insomnia from being awake all night long multiple nights a week, getting back into routines with housework and homeschooling, plus I’m learning how to balance it all with HubbaHubba’s new job which allows him to telecommute frequently.
I fail. I fail often. I regained weight I had lost 4 years ago. I’m back on working that off thanks to Trim Healthy Mama. I’m relearning routines, finding new ones and always learning how much I matter as a human. It’s a never ending process. That learning to live with the hand the past dealt me and being a better person because of it. I’ve not really talked about my upbringing before. I’m working on being able to share it. But I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t been through it. A person redeemed, dealt mercy and grace and an understanding how to relate to others who’ve also been abused.
I suppose I should start regularly writing again. With the desire to start writing again comes the desire to rebrand Created for Home. Since we now live on a small acreage, I want to expound a bit. More like Created for Home….Schooling….Steading…Keeping. I have plans for future income streams from the land. I can write about our (mis)adventures as we branch into a bit of livestock (we have chickens and ducks currently. Debating an alpaca or two, goats, pigs, geese, quail and turkeys). Planting a massive garden and branching out into selling herbs locally, perhaps cultivating mushrooms and having beehives and even branching out to aquaponics. I’m studying up on the different things we could do with our land and deciding what the best way to utilize it will be for us.
I’m not making any promises with the future of this blog. I know it needs a complete redesign. I need to update that header drastically (It is missing the youngest after all, and she’s going to be 4 this year…). But this is a start. A start for something new for me. Hope you stick around for the ride.